Giving My Heart Away
When I was young, I made this piece of Broken Glass artwork. This is one of the things which I keep in my Hope Chest, a reminder of a young woman who was so influenced by the world.
At a very young age, I began reading Romance Novels. The pictures were beautiful and the stories took me on journeys with men and women who fought through challenges and found love and Romance on the way. Oh and let’s not forget “lived Happily Ever After. . . .”
It was so exciting for me to think that my life would be carried away on the back of a beautiful steed with my Knight in shining armor holding me close. And now, 30 years later I look at this piece of artwork and I see the remnant of the expectations which were built from this influence and the influence of a world that would consistently tell me I wasn't good enough.
I have always had a soft heart. Of course, at the time I didn’t see it for what it was. I cried ALL THE TIME, felt like I wasn’t good enough and worried about who didn’t love me. Unfortunately, this distraction kept me from seeing the Love which was all around me.
And so this piece was born.
This piece was born out of the tears of a young woman who thought that Love would sweep her off her feet and thought something was wrong with her when it didn’t.
This piece was born out of the insecurity of a heart who did not know her Heavenly Father. Oh sure, I accepted Jesus at the young age of 12, but I never understood the RELATIONSHIP that He wanted to have with me. Instead, I sought Jesus out of fear and worry of hellfire and brimstone. I memorized all of the right verses, but could never connect. I sang all of the right songs in Church but could never connect.
What was wrong with me?
So, this young heart was confused. On the one hand, influenced by the pages of fiction and the empty promises of this world, selling a bill of goods which would never be delivered. On the other hand, I was trying to follow a God who Loved me so much that He sent His Son to die for me, yet I couldn’t SEE His Love or the Love of everyone He placed around me and so as I grew I thought that God wanted to control me versus Love me.
I gave my heart away so many times. And when it was given back to me in a million shattered pieces, just like this piece, I had to put the pieces back together and just like this piece I could never fit it perfectly back in place.
So the result was someone broken, insecure, depressed. Someone who cried, screamed for attention from a world that seemingly didn’t care. A young woman, who sought the world’s definition of herself. Never realizing that Her Father had already defined her as His Beloved, fearfully and wonderfully made.
Then Jesus FOUND ME. Through the wonder of His Word, Jesus opened my eyes to Him. Through the beauty of Worship, Jesus poured His Grace over me. Through the Love of a Father pouring into me from the hands and feet of others, Jesus opened my heart to Him.
Was I looking? What changed? At what point did the insecure little girl realize that she had a Loving Heavenly Father who didn’t want to control her and her life, but instead wanted to GIVE HER LIFE and LIFE TO THE FULL (John 10:10.)
When I fully surrendered and rededicated myself to Him, He opened my eyes in ways I never imagined. He daily teaches me how His Love is EVERYwhere. Oh and the knight that I so longed for? He is here, my Father blessed me with an amazing man who has a tender heart himself. And God draws us together every day as He draws us to Him.
My heart, my delicate, tender, empathetic heart, yes it still breaks from time to time. But my Father holds it close and He pieces it back together perfectly. The patchwork quilt that my heart has become is perfectly knitted together by the One who wrote my name in His own, who nailed my sin on a Cross and said she is mine, the enemy with empty promises in this world cannot have her.
Father, thank You for protecting my heart. I pray Lord that girls everywhere will understand that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. I pray that young women will entrust their heart only to You and recognize that You will care for it like nobody else can. Father, we live in a world that makes so many empty promises, like those in the Romance Novels of my past; but YOU Lord have promised to be our Hiding Place, our Protector. Father, please draw close to the brokenhearted today, save those who are crushed in Spirit. Help us Lord to see that when we give our heart to You, You return it whole and full of the Love that only You can give.
In Jesus’ Name