Updated: Mar 3, 2019
I hold on to things, I admit it. I am a Type A ENFJ all the way. The good news is that I have a burning desire to help others find their potential and I am a natural people pleaser, but then I also struggle to say no and take on heavy task loads. I don’t know, maybe it comes with being an older sibling. God revealed to me during Confessions of a Helicopter Mom that holding on to my children had a great deal to do with fear.
Fear grows and pressure builds leading to a need to hold on which robs us of our peace, and the thing with an ENFJ, when pressure builds our desire to run is strong. NOT GOOD . . .
I AM NOT A QUITTER, so I must deal with the struggle. Hmmmmm, so why do I continue to struggle? Didn't I already figure this out?!?
This year’s word is peace and as with any learning experience, God is breaking me down to help me understand what peace truly looks like.
About a year ago I began receiving a sign. Now before you write me off as crazy, hear me out. At the strangest moments I would see the number 11. It began as 11:11 or 1111, goodness I have seen car tags, clocks, time counters on the news, the time on my phone. I could not even begin to tell you the number of times I have seen this number. Around August of last year, I realized the pattern and began to pray about it. “Maybe something was going to happen on November 11th, I mean I was going to Guatemala,” I thought to myself. And something incredible did happen on that day, I had a revelation of my future; however, the signs keep coming.
Just today, I have seen 1111 no less than 3 times. I wish I could tell you I was making this up.
Considering my number inundation will not stop, I did some research and I learned something very important. 11 is the number for chaos in the Bible. Interesting, huh? In the spring of 2016, God begins preparing me for chaos that leads me to a desire for peace in January of 2017.
God doesn’t do anything by accident.
I wish I could tell you what was going to happen, I don’t know, I truly don’t; however, what I do know is that I must figure out this peace thing.
So, task #1, I have to let go.
Several weeks ago our Pastor taught on letting go. Letting go of the things that bind us, letting go of the emotions that wrap us up in their cocoon.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LET GO?
Because I care. A revelation hit me, I truly do. Even my personality says so, ENFJ's are loyal, think of others before themselves and enjoy giving. God has given me responsibilities in life and I feel responsible to finish the task at hand helping others along the way, but I have to be careful not to confuse my tasks with The Lord's else I find myself giving away the peace He so graciously gives to me.
For example: I cannot control the actions of others. I can pray for them, I can love them and I can listen to them, but ultimately only they can control their actions.
Another example: I cannot control my 150k mile vehicle. I can put gas in it, I can maintain it, but I have to accept that it is a mechanical vehicle and will experience mechanical failure.
Another example: I cannot control illness. I can pray for those who experience illness, but I have to accept that God is ultimately in control of all things and there is nothing of which to be afraid.
What can I control? I can control my reaction, I can control my emotion, I can control my prayer life, this is called “SELF-CONTROL.” Everything else, I must let go of.
So today, I am letting go.
I am letting go of my need to be in control.
I am letting go of my need to be heard.
I am letting go of fear, worry, stress, anxiety.
I am letting go of my frustration over unmet expectations.
I am letting go of trying to be in control of the lives of others who have to make their own way.
So what do we do with all of these things? We lay them at the feet of Jesus. The One who placed the stars in the sky, The One who breathed the breath of life into man. The One who gives us His Perfect Peace. He can handle our challenges, and we can trust Him.
What else do we do? We sing in the rain, we seek and thank Him for our blessings, we make and throw paper airplanes just because we can, we dance, and we praise Abba Father for He is so very good!
That leads me to Task #2- I pray and seek truth in His Word. God’s Word is chock-full of truth and the further I go in my journey the more I want to know. So I am spending more time in His Word, and I am praying. He is my Heavenly Father, He knows my heart but He wants to know my heart. He wants me to feel just as close to Him as He feels to me. And the truth is, the deeper I go, the more peace He grows.
It’s a journey, a wild and beautiful journey. And ya’ know what, I have no idea what will happen tomorrow.
WHAT GLORIOUS FREEDOM THIS IS!!!!!
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt. James 1:2-6a.
Father, I am letting go, I give these things to You, publicly. I ask Holy Spirit that You will give me the courage and the strength to leave them at Your feet and to TRUST YOU COMPLETELY. I know that You have me in The Palm of Your Hand. I know that You will carry me through the chaos on the wings of Angels. I BELIEVE Lord that you are a Father who gives generously so I ask for wisdom, I ask for strength as I persevere. I BELIEVE Lord that you will give me courage to face whatever challenge is in my path. Thank You for watching over me, thank You that when I am weak, You are strong, thank You Father for testing my faith so that I will be mature and complete.
In Jesus’ Name