“Why don’t you trust me?”
I heard the still small voice in the depth of my spirit.
I’ve been hiding for far too long, it’s time to get real.
“I do trust you Father, but . . . .”
There are no buts daughter, either you do or you don’t.
“Ouch. Really God?”
It’s easy to recite verses. Yes, I’ve memorized the best of them:
“Trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
“Seek me first and all these things will be added unto you.”
I can recite them yes, but do I live them- in every moment? Do I understand the heart that spoke them or am I forgetting the promise in John 14:27:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. DO NOT LET YOUR HEARTS BE TROUBLED and DO NOT BE AFRAID.
Now about that question, “Why don’t I trust God?”
I am in a season of LISTEN and God is revealing to me some deep seated issues in my soul. Life is a journey and I am learning how sanctification works as a clarifier; removing the particulates that the enemy attempts to deposit into our soul.
I’ve shared the great issues of fear and worry that work to distract me from God’s peace. As I am a very visual person, I like to use the analogy of a cocoon with layers that squeezes me into submission. But the issues that God is revealing to me in this season are deeper, they are rooted in my very core. And God is working to remove every root of sediment so He can reveal the peace inside.
Discipline has always been a scary word to me. Visions of the paddle in the principal’s office drive me right into the proverbial discipline corner. But God never meant discipline to be a dirty word. In fact, consider discipline to be the sedimentation process that God uses to clean out all of the dark spots that like to remain hidden from the Light as He transforms us into the likeness of Jesus. Proverbs 3:11-12 tells us: "My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. "
Hmmm, sounds a bit like water treatment.
Interested in how water is treated, I went down the ole’ edumacation route and read up on how water is clarified. The separation of solids from water captured my attention. Sin looks a bit like those solids, doesn't it? I wonder, how often does the sludge of our heart point to a lack of trust in the Clarifier?
Truth be told, when our filters are up and in place, the sediment is filtered out before it ever has a chance to settle. Our spiritual filter comes from God’s Word, from prayer and faith. But when we take the filter down and fail to guard our hearts, the sediment enters in and slowly begins to fill up all of the small places that we have forgotten. At first, we don’t notice. It is often a difficult season in life; however, when the sludge begins to weigh us down and wear us out. The passage of Living Water seems to flow slower and slower through the pathways of our heart until our faith and trust wears thin.
But God doesn't step back and say, "Look at what you did." No, our Clarifier is always working, helping us to right the wrongs, strengthen the weakness and shine Light on those dark places that we may have hidden.
So here I am, “Why don’t I trust you God? I’ve allowed my filter to lower, I’ve allowed worry and fear to not only wrap me in a cocoon but also to enter my heart. I’m holding tight to those things of which I have no business holding on to. Lord, forgive me, I know your truth; and today, I lay down my son and commit to guard my heart. I commit to speak truth when the enemy tries to convert the peace of my heart to sludgy sediment through lies and hopelessness. I commit to memorizing John 14:27 and sit in the peace that You freely give. I commit to trust you, Lord. I and my son are in Your Perfect Hand.
Thank You Father for never giving up on me.”
Your Weary Daughter
Join me over the next few weeks as I share additional deep places that God is rooting out to bring me peace.